I've been feeling an odd sense of detachment from the world of late. I meet people, both friends and acquaintances, but I just don't feel like I'm really there. Rather, more an unseen and unheard entity, just along to watch the show.. if that makes any sense at all.

It's all very strange, and I don't remember ever feeling quite like this before. Sometimes, I think I'm slipping further and further away from my own mind. The thought is almost stifling and scares the heck out of me.

Amidst all this, I find myself wondering how D puts up with my seemingly bottomless pit of insecurities. It's a good thing he hasn't/doesn't realise how foolish he's being. I've told him as much, and I hope he never does. Ha.

Another thing that's been weighing on me is my reaction (or lack thereof) to the recent natural disasters in the region. It is very out of character for me to not feel even a twinge of sadness when something like this happens. Aside from seeing it in the media, I've just more or less effectively pushed it out of my mind, it seems. More interestingly, I simply feel angered by the Burmese government. I wonder why I'm able to feel one emotion and not the other.

On the home front, grandpa seems to be slowly slipping away. Lately, it's like he's simply given up on life altogether. He refuses to move, doesn't want to read the papers- a thing he's loved up to a couple of weeks ago, and even getting him out of bed into his wheelchair takes much coaxing. I wonder what changed. It's hard to see him this way and remember the strong and deeply opinionated man he used to be. Now, it seems like all that's left is just an empty shell of a person.

To me, at least, that's the hardest thing to deal with.