"Jovian在人群中总是不说话。父母、亲戚和老师都认为他太内向，他们鼓励他多交朋友。他原本不理会他们的看法，但是当他发现父母担心他心理健康有问题时，他开始觉得困惑，他质疑自己是否难以被社会群众接受，他怀疑自己是否真的有问题。于是，他尝试改变自己。Jovian的改变让他赢得更多友情吗？他的改变使得他更快乐吗？"

Obviously not.

I was just watching this episode of My World My Blog on Channel U about this teenager trying to fit in. He starts out wondering why everyone thinks he's weird or some kind of freak because he prefers to keep to himself and isn't vocal. I suppose some people might call him "emo".

Thing is, I understand where he's coming from on so many different levels it's almost a little spooky. There's this particular part where he comments that he really isn't as oblivious to the word around him as people think and that really struck me because it's something I've said in many a situation. Or that he wishes he could connect with his friends on a deeper level.. that he feels many of his peers in school behave frivolously and immaturely. All things that have crossed my mind on occasion.

After awhile, he starts to wonder if maybe there's really something wrong with him. So he tries to change, to open up and be more vocal and participative in groups but it's just really awkward and nobody really wants to talk about the things he wants to talk about. I suppose it makes him feel even more out of place than before.

Seriously, that's like the story of my life or something.

After awhile he realises that he was happier when he just didn't care. I think at some point in my life I've also come to that realisation. Trying to fit in and get closer to people lets me see the ugliness of humanity sometimes and eventually I come to realise that I'm never going to be able to connect with them as deeply as I wish I could anyway. In a sense, it just sets me up for disappointment.

I think maybe I've given up trying. Mostly anyway. And perhaps, just perhaps, I'm the happier for it.