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A Post of Inconsquence
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."
~ Rose Walker ("Sandman Volume 9: The Kindly Ones")

The last week or so has left me feeling like I need to dettach from everything for a while.

Runaway to a quaint neighbouring country where no one knows who I am. To be just another nameless, fleeting face; one lost in a crowd. To see another small part of the world -- Either alone or with a close friend. Sometimes, it's good to feel small and inconsequential. Suppose we all need a little bit of solitude once in a while. Hell, even Sarawak sounds good now, despite it's more backward living conditions and me being a city girl at heart.

Alas, it isn't really practically possibly anymore because the days leading up to the new semester have me busy.

Suppose I could shrink all responsibility and take a break, but that would leave me feeling really guilty as I'm not quite that irresponsible.

Over the weekend, my sister told me I reminded her of Delirium from Sandman. I suppose I can be like that, but if you think about it, the Endless represent things that are in all of us. They are, afterall, merely concepts. And sometimes, I wonder if being delirium is such a bad thing.

"I am following my fish," she says in The Kindly Ones.

I think Delirium is starting to be my favourite character of the series.

Love, Wan
12:14 pm//Thursday, Apr. 13, 2006

the world | in retrospect

Oh, the Irony - Tuesday, Apr. 21, 2009
Summery - Sunday, Jan. 04, 2009
Wan Bakes Too! - Friday, Jan. 02, 2009
Trust - Saturday, Dec. 20, 2008
Catharsis - Sunday, Oct. 26, 2008