I've always said that the feeling of failure and disappointment is proportional to the amount of expectation that preceeds it. Your crazy friend who is wont to fleeting moments of philosophy has just realised that if you look at it another way, expectation of failure does nothing to lessen that horrible feeling of disappointment either.

Sometimes, knowing that you've tried all you can doesn't quite cut it. Knowing that you have tried your best to change/fix things, yet having to watch them completely fall apart infront of you can be one of the worst feelings in the world. Suppose it wouldn't bug you if it didn't matter, but my thoughts digress.

So.. Disappointment is inevitable. Suppose the question is then "what's the best way to deal with it?"

We mope, we get depressed, sometimes we give up. I've never really been one to give up, though. Just stubborn like that. I can imagine the pain I must be sometimes. Heh. I guess at the end of the day, at least there isn't space for regret on my part.

Naive as it may be, there's a part of us that wishes life were and will always be a beautiful bed of (thornless) roses. Practically though, it is the good and the bad things that make us who we are. Which brings us back to the whole nature versus nurture debate that has been debated to death and I don't think we're any closer to getting a definite answer on that.

Hrm.. I have no idea where I'm going with this thread of thought. Suppose boredom does that to one. As much as I enjoy the liberty of being able to leave a train of thought hanging and pick up on it again sometime later in the day, not having anything to do drives me crazy.

Was talking to Taufiq this morning about the future, more his than mine seeing as how I still have a year in that dreadful institution. He jokingly suggested I marry a rich man, stay at home and make babies. I think I would be pretty miserable staying home all day. Joy wants to be a stay at home mom, but I'm quite convinced I'll end up killing someone (if not myself), if it were me.

If you think about it, I've always known what I want to be. Ever since I was in primary school, people fascinated me- What makes us tick? How do we think? What drives us to do the things they do? Why are we who we are? And I also knew I wanted to help people, specifically children. Pediatrics, psychology. As yy commented sometime ago, nothing's changed in the.. 5 years I've known her. Pediatrics might not be a viable option anymore because there's no way I'm going to get into medical school but psychology is something I still feel very passionately about.

I have all these dreams and aspirations. Some of them are still pretty fuzzy. I have to admit that I'm scared because the future is like this huge dark area lying ahead of me, but I'm also really excited about going out there and making a difference. Call me an idealist but as Robin Williams said in the movie, Dead Poet's Society, "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world", and I believe him!

My thoughts haven't been this clear in a couple of months now. Right now, I feel great. It's like one of those movies where you have the female protagonist coming out of her house, lifting her face to the sky, taking a deep breath and basking in beautiful sunlight for the few seconds with a big smile on her face before going off to do the mundane things associated with daily living.

Because everything will eventually be alright. Maybe not now, maybe not next week but life always works out somehow.

Because life really is wonderful. Sometimes, all you really need is to know where to look and something to believe in. Though not always possible, having some people who believe in you helps as well, although this does sometimes lead to disappointment.

And with that, we're back to square one. Heh. Cheers! :)